I believe I am here for a reason. I believe my consciousness is real, in the present on this planet called Earth, and not just a dream. I believe that time is relative and that there is such a thing as good and evil, and love, and colour. I believe in a master Creator, God. I believe that this God loves me and desires to have a relationship with me.
That's a lot of weight for a paragraph. I'll try to explain a few things I guess. I'm not trained in philosophy so you may have trouble following my arguments. Please bear with me. Some of it I can't explain.
First of all, the God question. Why believe in God? Well, I think a good counter question would be, Why not? The scientific community seems to be embracing 'Intelligent Design.' Look at the complexity of life, of matter, of light, of human existence, thinking and birth, and how else can you explain it away? Other than a Life force, etc, I can't explain how I got here in one piece from a piece of carbon any other way, even if it did take zillions of years. Where did God come from, you ask? Good question. I don't know.
Explain love. Explain a sunset. Explain emotions. Explain universal truths. Explain how you can trust your own thinking to be true if your brain was put together by accident or even evolution (I borrowed that from C.S. Lewis, an ex-athiest).
Okay, so maybe God's existence can be sort of explained. But what about the personal aspect of it? How can I be so foolish to believe that he cares about his creation? How can I think...that he loves me? Sheesh...good question!
Maybe it has something to do with the Good I see. Despite what watching the 6:00 news sometimes leads you to believe, the world is NOT all about pain and suffering. Sure, there's a helping of that for everyone, but there is also lots of good around. People helping each other. Feeding the homeless. Forgiveness. Joy. Fun. Peace. Friendship. Playing soccer with friends. Singing together. Here's a big one: Grace. When things go well that were destined to fail. When it's okay when you mess up. Someone is watching out for us. If they weren't, I wouldn't have made it this far. There have been too many close calls to still be alive!
I guess the rest has to do with experience. Here's my story.
I was born in Papua New Guinea to two young missionary parents. Within a year they moved back to Canada and brought me along too. A few years later we moved to Texas with my younger brother for language school; by age 6 we were living in Quito, Ecuador. I went to an American school run by the C&MA called Alliance Academy. My dad worked in maintenance with the mission hospital, keeping the X-ray machines going and stuff. My mom worked here and there in the hospital and with the mission radio station, HCJB. I received a private Christian elementary/Jr. High education. I learned lots about God, went to summer camps in the jungle and on the Ecuadorian coast, made friends, and met Jesus.
I first asked Jesus into my heart when I was 5. My dad always read stories to my brother and I before we went to sleep. He was going through this devotional called Keys for Kids and somehow I understood that I needed to ask Jesus into my heart if I didn't want to go to hell. So one night I quietly did.
I'm not sure how much 'change' happened in me at first. I know in a lot of ways I was a rotten kid. Looking out for myself and my desires--me, me, me. I won't get into details...but I think on the outside (what other people saw) I was pretty much a goody-two-shoes. Looking to please my teachers, get good grades, have good friends, etc.
In grade 7 I re-committed my life to Christ. I understood that he wanted all of it, not just my church side. All of my time. All of my heart. I started reading the Bible seriously and journaling. Every day I would give Jesus something. (I still do this, 15 years later.)
In grade 9 our family returned to Canada. Going back to public school (Coquitlam) was quite a shock. The first time I heard someone swear in the halls I almost dropped my backpack. But I made some friends. We moved to Chilliwack halfway through the year. I got involved in the church youth group and had a lot of good times and learned that God is real by watching my youth pastor and other kids in the youth group. In high school I would meet with other Christians for prayer over lunch. I was hoping my non-Christian friends would come to Jesus, but they didn't.
I took a year of Bible College after high school and that year was one of the best of my life. I made some terrific friends which I still have today and I learned a lot about God and myself. Once again I went back to the public education system, this time to UCFV, and found after a few semesters that it wasn't for me. I went back to Bible College part-time to finish my degree in Worship Arts. I worked summer jobs such as construction and bottled water, and during the school year I worked as a youth leader and a pizza delivery guy to make my way through school. It took awhile, but I graduated virtually debt-free.
During this time I went through a lot emotionally, testing the grounds of friendships. I learned to trust God's voice. I went through a difficult breakup with my girlfriend. I had to learn to get along with different roommates and rented a fair number of places when my roommates switched up. I had to keep my '86 Micra going on a shoestring budget. I cried out to God for help. Somehow I always got through.
In May 2001 I went hitchhiking with my cousin, across Canada. This was a faith builder for me too. You can read my journal online (click on 'hitch' from the main page).
Working as youth leader ('youth pastor') was a stretching time as well. To teach and model God to the Jr. Highers of our church, I had to know him well. The best years were the years I had to rely on God the most to help me.
I married Michelle From in 2003 and it has been a very good thing. Michelle's love and support have given me confidence. Not everything has been perfect the whole way, but I truly believe we have a better than average marriage. She has stood by me as I quit youth work and Panago and went to work with my Dad in the medical equipment field. Then after a few years I tired of that and quit cold only to find work a week later in the Cabinet Industry, making countertops. I have stood by her as she completed her schooling to get her degree to teach elementary school. Together we are working to pay off her loans.
Life is not easy, but I have found that it is good. And throughout I have learned to thank God for it. "Thank you for this day. Thank you for the people I could meet today. Thanks for the people that love me. Thanks that I can love others. Thanks that there is something Greater out there than my own paultry existence. Thanks that you promise me a home with you. Thanks that every day I am one day closer to going home. Thanks for your Son Jesus, who demonstrated the ultimate act of Grace and Love for me. It helps me to have grace towards others and to give to others instead of building my own kingdom and being unfulfilled."
